We wanted to share with you some excerpts from the spoken word narrative of our upcoming performance How We Found Hope. These stories are from people in our very community. They are our sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, friends, lovers, etc. Most of us have struggled with addiction or love someone who is an addict. This is not just one persons story, but all. A story of how we experienced the hell of addiction and how we found hope.
Excerpts from How We Found Hope
It is my secret. It is with me now; it will be in my side pocket tomorrow, and in my back pocket on the following day. It lives in my skin wielding my will.
I was responsible for her- my mother. I was her confidant. I tried to help. I wanted to give up but I couldn’t. I would die for her.
What if I am unworthy? I do not know what the light holds so I stay in the blackness, or walk through the pain of that light tearing down these walls. I scream, and it makes a crack, a crack for the light to come through.
Breathing feels good, I feel human. Some days its easy and some days it’s hard. I have to do it one second or one minute at a time but I found power -power that helps relieve my addiction and live in peace.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Monday, October 4, 2010
The Hope Continues
This process has been amazing and I am inspired by the bravery that everyone who shared their stories displayed. If you are new to reading this blog The Schiff Dance Collective has been holding writing and movement workshops with the community on how to find hope regarding our own or others addictions. These stories will be used to create a show.
Today I would like to extend enormous gratitude for the bravery of our participants and all those who struggle with their own or a loved ones addiction. These are not easy stories to tell.
Addiction is shrouded with secrecy and shame. That feeling of hopelessness. That feeling of isolation and panic. That feeling that this has never happened to anyone else. That feeling that when you walk into a room full of people and share your story transforms from shame and fear into relief and eventually hope.
I feel an enormous gratitude for those who told me their stories. Now I have the opportunity to extend that freedom to others.
Let us be brave for each other. Let us take that first step into a loving community where we can be held up until we can stand on our own.
Take it from me-a girl who felt worthless and was so paranoid she could not leave her apartment, who grew into a woman living a life of usefulness and love.
It is worth it.
Share your story.
Today I would like to extend enormous gratitude for the bravery of our participants and all those who struggle with their own or a loved ones addiction. These are not easy stories to tell.
Addiction is shrouded with secrecy and shame. That feeling of hopelessness. That feeling of isolation and panic. That feeling that this has never happened to anyone else. That feeling that when you walk into a room full of people and share your story transforms from shame and fear into relief and eventually hope.
I feel an enormous gratitude for those who told me their stories. Now I have the opportunity to extend that freedom to others.
Let us be brave for each other. Let us take that first step into a loving community where we can be held up until we can stand on our own.
Take it from me-a girl who felt worthless and was so paranoid she could not leave her apartment, who grew into a woman living a life of usefulness and love.
It is worth it.
Share your story.
Monday, July 26, 2010
What is addiction?
What is addiction? What makes somebody an addict?
These questions were how we started our workshops. It became clear that addiction is often misunderstood. While it can be problematic to use a substance to cover up feelings, self-medicate, or buffer life; while people can cause themselves and others enormous grief, and may need help stopping- this alone does not make an addict. Being an addict is about being powerless. It is about having a total inability to act in regards to the addiction (drugs, alcohol, food, sex, people). In the words of one of our workshop participants it is "having no voice". When all good reason stands before us we act in our addiction at the cost of everything else in life- relationships, career, our physical life, our souls. We have lost all choice.
It is confusing and terrifying. We often thought-If I was stronger, had better morals, worked harder this would not be happening. We felt an unbelievable sense of failure and that somehow we are the only person in the world this is happening to. ADDICTION IS A DISEASE NOT A MORAL DILEMMA. I don't know anybody who dreams when they are a child that one day they will ruin their life for a substance. No one says when I grow up I will give up all my dreams to get high or drunk, I will starve myself to death, I will take responsibility for a loved ones problems to the point of depression or suicide.
The amazing part is that everyone in the workshop felt the same. We shared the despair, loneliness, and shame. That is where the hope is. The hope is in telling the secret. Pulling ourselves out of the abyss into the arms of others who share the same problem(and there are so many of us). The hope is that we are not alone. But we must share our secret to find that out. Truth weakens addiction. And once we tell the truth we can start to recover. That is where the real work begins......but we will get to that later.
Addiction (noun)-the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.
Powerlessness (adjective)-lacking power to act; helpless:
These questions were how we started our workshops. It became clear that addiction is often misunderstood. While it can be problematic to use a substance to cover up feelings, self-medicate, or buffer life; while people can cause themselves and others enormous grief, and may need help stopping- this alone does not make an addict. Being an addict is about being powerless. It is about having a total inability to act in regards to the addiction (drugs, alcohol, food, sex, people). In the words of one of our workshop participants it is "having no voice". When all good reason stands before us we act in our addiction at the cost of everything else in life- relationships, career, our physical life, our souls. We have lost all choice.
It is confusing and terrifying. We often thought-If I was stronger, had better morals, worked harder this would not be happening. We felt an unbelievable sense of failure and that somehow we are the only person in the world this is happening to. ADDICTION IS A DISEASE NOT A MORAL DILEMMA. I don't know anybody who dreams when they are a child that one day they will ruin their life for a substance. No one says when I grow up I will give up all my dreams to get high or drunk, I will starve myself to death, I will take responsibility for a loved ones problems to the point of depression or suicide.
The amazing part is that everyone in the workshop felt the same. We shared the despair, loneliness, and shame. That is where the hope is. The hope is in telling the secret. Pulling ourselves out of the abyss into the arms of others who share the same problem(and there are so many of us). The hope is that we are not alone. But we must share our secret to find that out. Truth weakens addiction. And once we tell the truth we can start to recover. That is where the real work begins......but we will get to that later.
Addiction (noun)-the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.
Powerlessness (adjective)-lacking power to act; helpless:
Monday, June 28, 2010
The Beginning
This is a story about hope...and how we found it. The Schiff Dance Collective is embarking on a new project. We will use movement and spoken word to educate, and bring peace to our community regarding the struggles involved with our own or our loved one's addictions.
We have begun by holding movement/writing workshops to collect stories from our community. I am writing this blog so these experiences can be shared.
This has been a powerful experience that has begun a movement of healing. We dove into our darkness and came back up to the light. We realized that there is a choice. To choose something else besides our addiction and the work involved in doing so. What started out as an idea for a show has begun to create a community. A community that does not judge or discriminate but supports and allows people to be who they are.
I will post our experiences here. But if you find something that calls to you add your experience. You never know who it may help. And after all we can not overcome our addictions alone.
We have begun by holding movement/writing workshops to collect stories from our community. I am writing this blog so these experiences can be shared.
This has been a powerful experience that has begun a movement of healing. We dove into our darkness and came back up to the light. We realized that there is a choice. To choose something else besides our addiction and the work involved in doing so. What started out as an idea for a show has begun to create a community. A community that does not judge or discriminate but supports and allows people to be who they are.
I will post our experiences here. But if you find something that calls to you add your experience. You never know who it may help. And after all we can not overcome our addictions alone.
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